“They are bad guys, that’s what they do, not who they are.” — Maxwell Smart (Get Smart, 2008)
In this American spy-comedy, Maxwell Smart is an analyst decoding chatter for the field agents played by Steve Carell. In one such decoding presentation, his simple observation perfectly nails a massive challenge in emotional well-being: the trap of social labeling.
Historically, we’ve labelled behaviours we didn’t understand. Research by sociologists and psychologists shows that a lot of deviant behavior actually starts after a label is applied, locking it in as an identity. When we were growing up, adults often called children “slow,” “shy,” or “stubborn” just because they processed things differently. Could have been because of the lack of readily available information and knowledge.
Sadly, these comparative labels still echo in modern homes today. And many times these labels are part of the internal self-talk in adults, reinforcing limiting beliefs.
As an EI coach, I see how deeply this hurts us. In Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), a core principle is separating behavior from identity. When we label a child—or ourselves—with identity statements (“I am a failure” vs. “I failed at this task”), the subconscious internalizes it. These labels deplete our self-worth, replacing natural motivation with deep self-doubt.
Being conscious about what we tell ourselves and our children makes a huge difference to the way we live, the way we carry ourselves around. If you too are carrying the weight of a label, peel it off by:
- Stop repeating the labels others have given you, out loud or in your mind.
- Remember, just like every train has a specific time, destination, speed and people, so do you. You are neither late nor early to the party.
- You don’t need to prove yourself again and again to everyone. You are responsible.
Our mistakes, behaviors, and even our successes are just things we do. All of it together makes us experience-rich. That’s what we do, not who we are!
What is one label you’ve been carrying that you’re ready to peel off today?
